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Hey look, it's this blog I update every seven years or so. How's it hanging, chimps? This is incidentally the last blog update coming from this fetid cesspool of boredom known as Fremont, California. In three days time, I will descend upon Santa Barbara like some sort of demented Santa Claus, bringing with me an unfettered desire to rip shit up. While I certainly value my intellectual pursuits and other silly flimflammery, there comes a time when you must pay the piper and drink enough beer and consume enough ecstasy to make Richard Lewis blush. I speak metaphorically, of course.

In all seriousness, casting aside the moronic fratboy attitude for a moment (I'm quite sure fratboys don't even know what a metaphor is), I am quite pumped to move down to Santa Barbara, to pursue what I view as a new adventure, the next frontier to borrow a Star Trek analogy, which in turn nulls all credibility. The intriguing classes, the classmates who actually know what the hell they're talking about, the beautiful beach that's two seconds away. What more could ask for, aside from a jacuzzi that spurts melted chocolate liqueurs.

Some might think that such a party-fueled milieu will bring about horrific changes to the ornery bastard you know and love, like a pedophile afflicted with lycanthropy. But like a pedophile with lycanthropy, the changes only occur for a single night, once in a while, before reverting back to indecent liasions with a catamite. This tortured metaphor has probably run its course, so let's just say the hateful misanthrope you know and love is still going to retain what makes him so irresistible. It'll be a frigid and rainy day in hell before I stop watching movies in favor of shotgunning a kegger. No matter how much I'll enjoy running around half-naked and declaring my love for statues, watching a movie, reading a book, writing crappy fiction will always be my true loves.

So to wrap up this entry, shit's about to get real. And I can barely contain myself. Seriously, I think I just whizzed in my bed.

PS. I can't think of anything clever to put here, so please enjoy this asterisk: *