Friday, April 24, 2009
The Protest Generation
The counterculture movement of the 50's and 60's convinced a bunch of liberal, drug-abusing, nymphomaniac hippies that they could influence massive social change, which somehow indoctrinated the next generation with the notion that they too could convince the world to change if they could gather up enough like-minded people to wave some poorly made signs around. The right to free assembly, guaranteed by the First Amendment, sadly is just an illusion granted by the government for plebians to feel as if they have some say in the matter. The only reason why the counterculture had so much success in the 60's was because most of the issues that they were fervent about had been brewing for a long time. The Civil Rights Movement that they supported was already making great progress in the South, and racial equality, if not cultural influences was being given brick by brick in the decades previous (Tuskegee Airmen, Harlem Renaissance, the birth of jazz). But you'll notice that protests today hardly have any sway in how something swings. The gay marriage protests, while admirable, really isn't going to change the minds of those bigoted pricks. For change to happen, we gotta find some other subversive way to achieve the goals, starting with socialization and education. That's how it went for the Civil Rights Movement, we just had to let it simmer for a few decades. Ask the New Left how their Vietnam protests fared. Waving signs doesn't do shit, and it never will.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
An epitaph
My attendance at one of the last Interact events of the year has really cemented my feelings on the club in general, something that can be roughly defined as "best of intentions but sloppy execution." Considering the horrible things I'm about to say, most of it hyperbole to get my points across, I do feel that the energy and funds of the club could really be diverted into something that would actually make a dent in the problems of the world.
My first problem with Interact is the disingenuous of it all. Despite claims that everyone's in to "help and make a difference in the world," I think it's mostly double-faced and appalling. The kids that make up Interact's main demographic consist of overachievers hoping to pad their college resume for when applications roll around. They may claim that what they really want to do is help, but I being one of these typical members, I can honestly say that what I'm doing isn't going to help the world at all, it's just something for me to put on my college app, which I did. The people I know through Interact and RYLA, I never actually see a determination to continue their work after high school. No, they may bill it as a way to make a difference, but deep down, we all know that we're in it for the little prestige it affords us.
This segues into my main beef with Interact and Rotary in general; the notion that people can "make a difference." Now, please don't get me wrong. I think giving water filters to the destitute in the Dominican Republic is just fine. It makes a difference in their every day lives, on an entirely micro scale. My problem is that it's all so counterproductive. A good example is Project Corazon. Rotary has a bunch of kids going to Mexico every year to build houses. What strikes me is that the money that is required sending them to San Diego, getting a hotel, and, in my case, going to fancy restaurants and movie theaters, could've been used to hire some skilled laborers to do the job, instead of a bunch of unskilled kids who wouldn't know physical labor if it bit them several times in the nipples. It's just to make the kids feel good, make them feel as though they've accomplished something, at the expense of actual work being done. I'm to understand that last year's International Project consisted of a group of teenagers going down to Panama to paint schools, afterwards getting shit-faced because there's no drinking age down there. It makes no sense to me; all these funds that are being raised through the charity events and fundraisers are simply being squandered because someone decided it was more important to make kids feel good about themselves instead of actually doing something. Use the money to invest in education, perhaps? Donate it to a cancer research organization? The possibilities, seriously, are endless, but people would rather make tiny strides and feel good about themselves, than take potential leaps, which, in my mind, is very sad.
I would honestly like to know the naivete that dominates the governing bodies of Interact. A lot of these kids are really cool (and mind-blowingly attractive, I might add), but the delusion that you're going into the annals of history as a great humanitarian by painting a school green is just embarrassing. I also know that your footsoldiers aren't seriously into this kind of thing, which is sad because people do need to get involved. They need to help. But they shouldn't do it because they get rewarded for it. They should do it because it's the right thing to do. And at the moment, the wrong thing to do is to waste the vast sums of money that could be utilized for so much more.
That's all I have to say on the subject. I joined Interact because I thought I could put it on my college app and have some fun with whatever the events were. But from an outsider's perspective, it's glaringly obvious that it's remarkably inefficient. And that saddens me because it could very well not be.
PS. The only student organizations that aren't lying out their teeth are the ones that promote self-enlightenment, like JSA, debate, or some sort of writing program. That stuff sharpens your wits, but it's a shame JSA is the equivalent of a horseshit bullet right between the eyes.
My first problem with Interact is the disingenuous of it all. Despite claims that everyone's in to "help and make a difference in the world," I think it's mostly double-faced and appalling. The kids that make up Interact's main demographic consist of overachievers hoping to pad their college resume for when applications roll around. They may claim that what they really want to do is help, but I being one of these typical members, I can honestly say that what I'm doing isn't going to help the world at all, it's just something for me to put on my college app, which I did. The people I know through Interact and RYLA, I never actually see a determination to continue their work after high school. No, they may bill it as a way to make a difference, but deep down, we all know that we're in it for the little prestige it affords us.
This segues into my main beef with Interact and Rotary in general; the notion that people can "make a difference." Now, please don't get me wrong. I think giving water filters to the destitute in the Dominican Republic is just fine. It makes a difference in their every day lives, on an entirely micro scale. My problem is that it's all so counterproductive. A good example is Project Corazon. Rotary has a bunch of kids going to Mexico every year to build houses. What strikes me is that the money that is required sending them to San Diego, getting a hotel, and, in my case, going to fancy restaurants and movie theaters, could've been used to hire some skilled laborers to do the job, instead of a bunch of unskilled kids who wouldn't know physical labor if it bit them several times in the nipples. It's just to make the kids feel good, make them feel as though they've accomplished something, at the expense of actual work being done. I'm to understand that last year's International Project consisted of a group of teenagers going down to Panama to paint schools, afterwards getting shit-faced because there's no drinking age down there. It makes no sense to me; all these funds that are being raised through the charity events and fundraisers are simply being squandered because someone decided it was more important to make kids feel good about themselves instead of actually doing something. Use the money to invest in education, perhaps? Donate it to a cancer research organization? The possibilities, seriously, are endless, but people would rather make tiny strides and feel good about themselves, than take potential leaps, which, in my mind, is very sad.
I would honestly like to know the naivete that dominates the governing bodies of Interact. A lot of these kids are really cool (and mind-blowingly attractive, I might add), but the delusion that you're going into the annals of history as a great humanitarian by painting a school green is just embarrassing. I also know that your footsoldiers aren't seriously into this kind of thing, which is sad because people do need to get involved. They need to help. But they shouldn't do it because they get rewarded for it. They should do it because it's the right thing to do. And at the moment, the wrong thing to do is to waste the vast sums of money that could be utilized for so much more.
That's all I have to say on the subject. I joined Interact because I thought I could put it on my college app and have some fun with whatever the events were. But from an outsider's perspective, it's glaringly obvious that it's remarkably inefficient. And that saddens me because it could very well not be.
PS. The only student organizations that aren't lying out their teeth are the ones that promote self-enlightenment, like JSA, debate, or some sort of writing program. That stuff sharpens your wits, but it's a shame JSA is the equivalent of a horseshit bullet right between the eyes.
Friday, April 3, 2009
American Idol and the Downfall of Western Civilization
American Idol is what's wrong with television. The medium used to be a compelling format for original programming, but the reality show changed all that. The forefather of all those pugnacious "real life" bastard shows, to this day, American Idol rampages on, sucking away the souls of teenagers and adults alike.
What particularly is so amusing about a British guy insult people? Are we so insecure about ourselves that we need to watch a TV show solely for the purpose of saying "Ha, I may be an idiot, but at least I don't sing like this retard here." That's what I have to say to the idiots who watch the show solely for the auditions. "Hurf durf, it's entertaining." Yeah, in the sense that you watch it simply to say "Goddamn, this is bad." You want to watch an entertaining show? Watch fucking House! 30 Rock! Life!
That previous paragraph may sound a bit elitist and pretentious, which it is. My main beef with stupid shows like American Idol, The Apprentice, and Survivor is that their pure idiocy manages to stay on the tube for fucking 15+ seasons. Survivor itself has been on the air for 18 fucking seasons, American Idol andThe Apprentice for 8. Tell me, how can we be so hung up on the repetitive stupidities of these garbage shows while truly brilliant shows like Arrested Development and Firefly are canned, despite the veritable avalanche of critical accolades? People tell me because AD was way too smart and clever for the audience - as if that's a fucking negative!
My complaint, like the entry before it, isn't focused solely on this god-awful show, but a look at awful television in general and how we're so damn obsessed with it. To be honest with you, the only reason I put American Idol up here was because I'm bitter that Arrested Development and Firefly were canceled. In the words of Sam, "This is bullshit." It truly is.
PS. The television networks could take a step in the right direction by canceling all the aforementioned programs, reinstating all the good TV they mistakenly canned in the past, then did a silly apology dance on live TV that I would then laugh at derisively at. A boy can only dream.
What particularly is so amusing about a British guy insult people? Are we so insecure about ourselves that we need to watch a TV show solely for the purpose of saying "Ha, I may be an idiot, but at least I don't sing like this retard here." That's what I have to say to the idiots who watch the show solely for the auditions. "Hurf durf, it's entertaining." Yeah, in the sense that you watch it simply to say "Goddamn, this is bad." You want to watch an entertaining show? Watch fucking House! 30 Rock! Life!
That previous paragraph may sound a bit elitist and pretentious, which it is. My main beef with stupid shows like American Idol, The Apprentice, and Survivor is that their pure idiocy manages to stay on the tube for fucking 15+ seasons. Survivor itself has been on the air for 18 fucking seasons, American Idol andThe Apprentice for 8. Tell me, how can we be so hung up on the repetitive stupidities of these garbage shows while truly brilliant shows like Arrested Development and Firefly are canned, despite the veritable avalanche of critical accolades? People tell me because AD was way too smart and clever for the audience - as if that's a fucking negative!
My complaint, like the entry before it, isn't focused solely on this god-awful show, but a look at awful television in general and how we're so damn obsessed with it. To be honest with you, the only reason I put American Idol up here was because I'm bitter that Arrested Development and Firefly were canceled. In the words of Sam, "This is bullshit." It truly is.
PS. The television networks could take a step in the right direction by canceling all the aforementioned programs, reinstating all the good TV they mistakenly canned in the past, then did a silly apology dance on live TV that I would then laugh at derisively at. A boy can only dream.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Nickelback and the Decline of Western Society
It's not so much Nickelback that is causing the cancer and erosion of the hearts and minds of children and adults everywhere, it's what their music and success entails. An untalented hack that shits on a blank CD and sends it off to their record company somehow manages to go multi-platinum, earn the adulation and hormonal ire of teenage girls everywhere, and make enough to buy God and all the heavens is a criminal miscarriage of galactic justice. If there is a God, surely he'd recognize true talent and praise that as opposed to letting the idiots give accolades to people who don't deserve it.
A diversity in musical taste is what makes the world so interesting, and I am more than willing to argue with anyone about the band, or music in general. I like to think I have a fairly open mind, listen to a wide range of music, and appreciate classics while experimenting with new sound. But the one universal truth is that Nickelback is atrocious. Why is it that people are so attracted to a band that has asinine lyrics, repetitive sound, and is derisive that Carlos Mencia would blush?
I say Nickelback because they're the perfect example. I don't just mean Nickelback. I mean AC/DC. I mean Dragonforce. I mean a large percentage of today's popular hip-hop, like Cam'Ron and T-Pain. Every last artist sounds the same, has lyrics that make you want to slit your throat with the CD, and are just cacophony. And they're all successful because the idiots who listen to them are hooked, so afraid of experimenting that they're willing to take these shitty artists as the epitome of the genre. AC/DC is the epitome of hard rock! Listen to some fucking Guns n' Roses. T-Pain is the greatest hip-hop artist of all time! Ever heard of the Wu-Tang Clan or Nas?
The last thing I want is to sound like some sort of elitist. I appreciate a good amount of popular music, and some of it is quite good. But we shouldn't be celebrating that which we absolutely know for certain is terrible. As long as we continue to parade mediocrity as the standard while forgoing the genuinely awesome music, which may be indie or mainstream, whatever, society will continue to slip into that inescapable sewer.
PS. But remember, Nickelback is still irredeemable garbage and should be purged from this earth with fire and salt.
A diversity in musical taste is what makes the world so interesting, and I am more than willing to argue with anyone about the band, or music in general. I like to think I have a fairly open mind, listen to a wide range of music, and appreciate classics while experimenting with new sound. But the one universal truth is that Nickelback is atrocious. Why is it that people are so attracted to a band that has asinine lyrics, repetitive sound, and is derisive that Carlos Mencia would blush?
I say Nickelback because they're the perfect example. I don't just mean Nickelback. I mean AC/DC. I mean Dragonforce. I mean a large percentage of today's popular hip-hop, like Cam'Ron and T-Pain. Every last artist sounds the same, has lyrics that make you want to slit your throat with the CD, and are just cacophony. And they're all successful because the idiots who listen to them are hooked, so afraid of experimenting that they're willing to take these shitty artists as the epitome of the genre. AC/DC is the epitome of hard rock! Listen to some fucking Guns n' Roses. T-Pain is the greatest hip-hop artist of all time! Ever heard of the Wu-Tang Clan or Nas?
The last thing I want is to sound like some sort of elitist. I appreciate a good amount of popular music, and some of it is quite good. But we shouldn't be celebrating that which we absolutely know for certain is terrible. As long as we continue to parade mediocrity as the standard while forgoing the genuinely awesome music, which may be indie or mainstream, whatever, society will continue to slip into that inescapable sewer.
PS. But remember, Nickelback is still irredeemable garbage and should be purged from this earth with fire and salt.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
10 Things Contributing to the Decline of Western Civilization
1. Nickelback
2. American Idol
3. Nationalism
4. The Cult of Personality
5. Imperialism
6. Richard Nixon
7. MMORPGs
8. Panda bears
9. Sex and violence
10. Movies made by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
2. American Idol
3. Nationalism
4. The Cult of Personality
5. Imperialism
6. Richard Nixon
7. MMORPGs
8. Panda bears
9. Sex and violence
10. Movies made by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Round 2
It's extremely likely that I've touched on this subject a million and one times, but I feel it must be reiterated, because my position on the matter has changed oh-so-slightly, I've learned a few things or whatever, but the underlying principle remains the same: the concept of an omniscient and all-powerful being is a big whopping pile of bullshit, and it doesn't take George Carlin's standup routine or the ridiculous stupidity of my English class to show me that. But I suppose this entry isn't so much about religion as it is on my thought processes and the beliefs I subscribe to.
Let's get the festering bile out of the way first. Religion and the concept of a God is useful in a few instances, but the severity of these instances are what have turned religious belief into such a lumbering behemoth. When things go wrong in life, people turn to God for comfort; just knowing there's a higher power there to support you gets you through the day, maybe assuages the depression of the tragedy or whatever event. Religion is useful, maybe even critical for some people, to help them get past whatever roadblock has been thrown their way. Even when their life isn't difficult, people often use God as inspiration and support, to stay happy. I have no problem with that, it's their belief and it works wonders for them. But it must be said that these people are living in a bubble, which isn't bad, per se. The illusion is nice for a while, but the happenings of the world will make you question your beliefs. If God is so kind, why does he let the genocide in Darfur happen? Why does he let soldiers get killed in the Middle East? It is my belief that these questions, these observations are what cause the erosion of religious belief, no matter its usefulness or inspiration.
If you had to attach a label to me, I think I would be called an atheist. But the problem with labels is that they entail certain things; if I'm an atheist, I must be stalwartly against religion. As the above paragraph proved, I'm open to the concept of religion as a means of comfort and support, not as a way to explain life's mysteries and trends. But my main belief system is such a hodgepodge of bullshit and schools of thought, it's hard to pin it to anything. I believe nothing happens to you after death - Albert Camus' existentialism. I believe life is what you make of it - Ayn Rand's Objectivism. I believe life is random, cruel, and absurd - Nietzsche's nihilism. I believe that the universe is governed by a higher power - the laws of physics and biology. I believe environmentalists are self-righteous, self-serving, arrogant douchebags - contrary to liberal thought. I believe that the government should exhibit stringent oversight on big businesses - contrary to conservative thought. We attach all-encompassing labels to certain beliefs, but those beliefs are generally assumed to carry a package deal or something: human thought is so gray that it's impossible to pin it down to any one thing. Nobody is a complete liberal or conservative, atheist or devout. We don't operate like that. We take bits and pieces of what we think represent our interests the most and smash them together into a mosaic of randomness.
This is a pretty rambly entry with no clear topic or anything. Somehow, it's all relevant and fits together, I'm just not sure how that is. I guess I'll end this with a clip from an extremely wise man who is unfortunately no longer with us. Watch it, you will not regret it.
PS. If you were an invisible man, you would also be blind, so that would suck pretty hard. If you ever went on a date, your date would be talking about movies and vacation spots with a pile of what looks to be vomit.
Let's get the festering bile out of the way first. Religion and the concept of a God is useful in a few instances, but the severity of these instances are what have turned religious belief into such a lumbering behemoth. When things go wrong in life, people turn to God for comfort; just knowing there's a higher power there to support you gets you through the day, maybe assuages the depression of the tragedy or whatever event. Religion is useful, maybe even critical for some people, to help them get past whatever roadblock has been thrown their way. Even when their life isn't difficult, people often use God as inspiration and support, to stay happy. I have no problem with that, it's their belief and it works wonders for them. But it must be said that these people are living in a bubble, which isn't bad, per se. The illusion is nice for a while, but the happenings of the world will make you question your beliefs. If God is so kind, why does he let the genocide in Darfur happen? Why does he let soldiers get killed in the Middle East? It is my belief that these questions, these observations are what cause the erosion of religious belief, no matter its usefulness or inspiration.
If you had to attach a label to me, I think I would be called an atheist. But the problem with labels is that they entail certain things; if I'm an atheist, I must be stalwartly against religion. As the above paragraph proved, I'm open to the concept of religion as a means of comfort and support, not as a way to explain life's mysteries and trends. But my main belief system is such a hodgepodge of bullshit and schools of thought, it's hard to pin it to anything. I believe nothing happens to you after death - Albert Camus' existentialism. I believe life is what you make of it - Ayn Rand's Objectivism. I believe life is random, cruel, and absurd - Nietzsche's nihilism. I believe that the universe is governed by a higher power - the laws of physics and biology. I believe environmentalists are self-righteous, self-serving, arrogant douchebags - contrary to liberal thought. I believe that the government should exhibit stringent oversight on big businesses - contrary to conservative thought. We attach all-encompassing labels to certain beliefs, but those beliefs are generally assumed to carry a package deal or something: human thought is so gray that it's impossible to pin it down to any one thing. Nobody is a complete liberal or conservative, atheist or devout. We don't operate like that. We take bits and pieces of what we think represent our interests the most and smash them together into a mosaic of randomness.
This is a pretty rambly entry with no clear topic or anything. Somehow, it's all relevant and fits together, I'm just not sure how that is. I guess I'll end this with a clip from an extremely wise man who is unfortunately no longer with us. Watch it, you will not regret it.
PS. If you were an invisible man, you would also be blind, so that would suck pretty hard. If you ever went on a date, your date would be talking about movies and vacation spots with a pile of what looks to be vomit.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Exalted return, redux.
Jesus Christ, it's been a long time since I've updated this motherfucker, and the last entry was a rant on the state of Israeli affairs, hardly an exciting bit of prose, or whatever. Having a nice long break really sets you up to be bored out of your damn mind, unwilling to read any books, play any video games, watch any movies, or listen to any stand-up or music. It's weird how ennui affects us; we'll bitch about being bored, but there's a multitude of activities you could be engaging in that would take it away instantly. Maybe I'm just exceptionally lazy.
Ranting about personal issues are what blogs (what a weird name for an online journal, by the way. This was kind of brought to light when I watched Yahtzee's review of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, wherein in described the word as "...something that sounds like it lives on a riverbed that communicates throught farts." I LOL'd) are usually about, so I think I'll take the opportunity to discuss the future, a subject that I've beaten like several dead hippopotamuses. But several things have shaken up the status quo, like an asteroid colliding with earth, only much more small-scale.
In about six months, probably less, time, I'll be off to college, to a bastion of higher learning, partying, and sunshine, onwards to a journey that I know nothing about, like going on a diamond-hunting expedition into a war-torn African nation and acting surprised when you get crucified by the local warlord. That's what I automatically liken the experience to, but it's clearly not as black and white as it seems. It's not a simple black or white, a a shitty, vomit-your-balls in disgust romp through dorms where the alcohol flows like the Hudson or a personal development wherein angels shower you with happiness and knowledge and you're extremely content. No. I can't speak from personal experience, but all of life is pretty gray, a concept that's served me pretty well so this is probably no exception. I expect it to be fun - learning specific parts of literature and writing, along with historical periods will be great. Sprinkle in a bit of film into the mix, and we've got ourselves a recipe for a good education. And isn't that what school is about?
The education side of college is just one head of the hydra, however. What about friends? Everlasting connections? So while I'm certain that I will receive the greatest quality schooling possible, what worries me is my social attitude and socialization skills. At the moment, I have a small group of friends, the coolest motherfuckers ever, most of whom I've known for a very long time - we go way back. See, they're used to me and my eccentricities, my attitudes, and my ticks. If they don't find it amusing, at least they tolerate it enough that I don't feel like I have to change myself too much. But I will be wiping the slate clean entirely, thrown like chum into a shark tank populated by malnourished blue sharks. So what if I'm incapable of making new friends down there? Am I just going to follow Karan all damn day? That's one of my primary concerns - I'm not a great socializer and never will be, and so maybe that particularly damning inability will cause a miserable time at Santa Barbara. I may be exaggerating and using the Slippery Slope fallacy a little bit, but it is a realistic problem. I am instantly reminded of RYLA, how kids become such fast friends when forced into close proximity. I suppose that's definitely possible if I'll be living in a dorm, but that thought continues to ominously linger in the back of my head.
That segues nicely into my next utterly depressing topic. How will I deal with leaving the people I know here behind? My parents have been pretty hysterical at the prospect of me just going on a weekend camping trip with friends, but the idea of moving down to Santa Barbara for months at a time has kicked their craze into permanent overdrive. Constantly I hear "You must call me every day, tell me about absolutely everything." It's not been a week since my acceptance, and already I'm being bombarded with decisions regarding housing and financial aid. I appreciate the concern, but it's getting a tad irritating. It'll be easy to deal with, because they're parents and will always be around, but the hard part is coping with the lack of friends, as I mentioned. The few friends I have mean quite a lot, especially that tall white dude I know, that short white girl I know, and some other colored people who know who they are. Confidants, gone. I mean, it's inevitable, but actually staring at it in the face, as it's coming towards me like a freight train driven by Yosemite Sam really shakes things into perspective. I'll learn to deal with it, but that doesn't mean I won't be miserable. And I can't even think of a metaphor to describe that.
Which brings me to another point (man, I am just killing it with the transitions and segues tonight), am I going to change? Will the big scary college absorb me and remold me into whatever shape it deems? Will I sacrifice the years of knowledge that reading and writing and watching have afforded me to become some sort of chugging, smoking, fucking douchebag? I certainly hope not, but let's be real. Something as earth-shattering as lifting up all your roots and planting them in another field will result in changes on a micro, maybe a macro level. But one of my unbending principles is to simply be who I am, not succumb to the more idiotic norms of college life, like staying out till 5 in the morning piss-faced. Maybe being smart makes you miserable. I don't know what to fucking think, to be honest.
I don't think I want to bum whoever's reading this out too much, not that I think that anyone's going to fucking read it, so I will end with some happy thoughts. I believe those people who claim "they can't wait for college" are being disingenuous. Nobody's life is so shitty that they want to move to the North Pole. In the buildup before you leave to an institution of higher learning, make the most of your time. Like inmates on Death Row - they exercise, educate, meditate, to yank some meaning and fun out of their last months of life, something I fully intend to do. Go on camping trips and other such adventures, smoke a little, read some books, watch some TV and movies. No point in whining about how everything's going to change when I could be utilizing that time effectively.
That is, if you people want to, of course. ;)
PS. Apparently in Santa Barbara, during the Halloween festivities, they send fucking mounties into the campus to beat the shit out of drunkards. That's just badass.
Ranting about personal issues are what blogs (what a weird name for an online journal, by the way. This was kind of brought to light when I watched Yahtzee's review of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, wherein in described the word as "...something that sounds like it lives on a riverbed that communicates throught farts." I LOL'd) are usually about, so I think I'll take the opportunity to discuss the future, a subject that I've beaten like several dead hippopotamuses. But several things have shaken up the status quo, like an asteroid colliding with earth, only much more small-scale.
In about six months, probably less, time, I'll be off to college, to a bastion of higher learning, partying, and sunshine, onwards to a journey that I know nothing about, like going on a diamond-hunting expedition into a war-torn African nation and acting surprised when you get crucified by the local warlord. That's what I automatically liken the experience to, but it's clearly not as black and white as it seems. It's not a simple black or white, a a shitty, vomit-your-balls in disgust romp through dorms where the alcohol flows like the Hudson or a personal development wherein angels shower you with happiness and knowledge and you're extremely content. No. I can't speak from personal experience, but all of life is pretty gray, a concept that's served me pretty well so this is probably no exception. I expect it to be fun - learning specific parts of literature and writing, along with historical periods will be great. Sprinkle in a bit of film into the mix, and we've got ourselves a recipe for a good education. And isn't that what school is about?
The education side of college is just one head of the hydra, however. What about friends? Everlasting connections? So while I'm certain that I will receive the greatest quality schooling possible, what worries me is my social attitude and socialization skills. At the moment, I have a small group of friends, the coolest motherfuckers ever, most of whom I've known for a very long time - we go way back. See, they're used to me and my eccentricities, my attitudes, and my ticks. If they don't find it amusing, at least they tolerate it enough that I don't feel like I have to change myself too much. But I will be wiping the slate clean entirely, thrown like chum into a shark tank populated by malnourished blue sharks. So what if I'm incapable of making new friends down there? Am I just going to follow Karan all damn day? That's one of my primary concerns - I'm not a great socializer and never will be, and so maybe that particularly damning inability will cause a miserable time at Santa Barbara. I may be exaggerating and using the Slippery Slope fallacy a little bit, but it is a realistic problem. I am instantly reminded of RYLA, how kids become such fast friends when forced into close proximity. I suppose that's definitely possible if I'll be living in a dorm, but that thought continues to ominously linger in the back of my head.
That segues nicely into my next utterly depressing topic. How will I deal with leaving the people I know here behind? My parents have been pretty hysterical at the prospect of me just going on a weekend camping trip with friends, but the idea of moving down to Santa Barbara for months at a time has kicked their craze into permanent overdrive. Constantly I hear "You must call me every day, tell me about absolutely everything." It's not been a week since my acceptance, and already I'm being bombarded with decisions regarding housing and financial aid. I appreciate the concern, but it's getting a tad irritating. It'll be easy to deal with, because they're parents and will always be around, but the hard part is coping with the lack of friends, as I mentioned. The few friends I have mean quite a lot, especially that tall white dude I know, that short white girl I know, and some other colored people who know who they are. Confidants, gone. I mean, it's inevitable, but actually staring at it in the face, as it's coming towards me like a freight train driven by Yosemite Sam really shakes things into perspective. I'll learn to deal with it, but that doesn't mean I won't be miserable. And I can't even think of a metaphor to describe that.
Which brings me to another point (man, I am just killing it with the transitions and segues tonight), am I going to change? Will the big scary college absorb me and remold me into whatever shape it deems? Will I sacrifice the years of knowledge that reading and writing and watching have afforded me to become some sort of chugging, smoking, fucking douchebag? I certainly hope not, but let's be real. Something as earth-shattering as lifting up all your roots and planting them in another field will result in changes on a micro, maybe a macro level. But one of my unbending principles is to simply be who I am, not succumb to the more idiotic norms of college life, like staying out till 5 in the morning piss-faced. Maybe being smart makes you miserable. I don't know what to fucking think, to be honest.
I don't think I want to bum whoever's reading this out too much, not that I think that anyone's going to fucking read it, so I will end with some happy thoughts. I believe those people who claim "they can't wait for college" are being disingenuous. Nobody's life is so shitty that they want to move to the North Pole. In the buildup before you leave to an institution of higher learning, make the most of your time. Like inmates on Death Row - they exercise, educate, meditate, to yank some meaning and fun out of their last months of life, something I fully intend to do. Go on camping trips and other such adventures, smoke a little, read some books, watch some TV and movies. No point in whining about how everything's going to change when I could be utilizing that time effectively.
That is, if you people want to, of course. ;)
PS. Apparently in Santa Barbara, during the Halloween festivities, they send fucking mounties into the campus to beat the shit out of drunkards. That's just badass.
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