A few thoughts

I've forced myself to stay sober for at least a month following my latest enlightenment, triple-fade episode in mid-June. I like to think I kicked that challenge straight in the face, abstaining from all forms of drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. It wasn't exactly difficult, but I've realized that in my journey, if you could call it that, that I miss not only the pleasures that it afforded me, but the risk and danger that came with it. For some strange reason, I thrive on both sides of the coin.

But now I've broken my sobriety and, as we speak, am off in other realms, feeling incredibly good about it. I want to convey something, however. I'm not a druggie. I will never let drugs grab ahold of me. The dangerous territory, the addictive amphetamines and opioids are as far as we go. And those are strictly, strictly limited to once in a blue moon. This is a dangerous game I'm playing, and I pride myself on being extremely knowledgeable on all the rules and being aware, at all times, of the risks and rewards involved.

My usage is simply another activity. It's not habit, it's not a tic; I simply don't need it. But what it does is offer me something to do. It's similar to the projects I'm currently working on. To me, it's no different than writing scripts, working on the movie, reading experimental literature, and watching foreign films. Everything I do, I do to gain experience, to make myself more knowledgeable on a certain subject, because that's who I am, someone who thirsts for the satisfaction to his curiosity. In the past, I've taken stuff for the wrong reasons, to alleviate depression, to escape from my problems, but I've wisened up. Everything I do is an experiment and an experience. I want to try new things, and I want to learn. As a teenager in the prime of life, I think I'm certainly entitled to explore what the world has to offer me.

This might sound like some ridiculous rationalization by a drug addict, but I assure you, it isn't. I'm not addicted to anything. Not people, not drugs, not squandering my money in Thai brothels. It's all part of the plan. The plan to have as good a time as possible before I'm off in the land of even better times.

PS. Love you all. Travelogue from the New York trip will be coming up shortly.