A short story

For several days, she was all I could think about. She didn't even know me. I didn't even know her. Somehow, the sight of her long, fiery hair incensed me, struck up a vast array of emotions, many of which were foreign and disturbing to me. I was ashamed of what I felt, such animalistic lust I had never felt before. I believed if I had just a momentary lapse of reason, this beast would ripple through me, strike me down, control me. A delicate sound of thunder would ultimately be the end of me.

So on that day, as she passed by, smiling her enigmatic smirk, I smiled back, going on my way. She ascended the stairs, I looked back, the darkness creeping back through me again, but this time, I let it go. I moved towards the sofas in the lobby, collapsed, exhausted, dipped into euphoria. Emotions I had never known surged through me, feelings of jubilation. I looked up, into the domed ceiling, a mosaic, a clash of color, a maelstrom of confusion and ecstasy. I let go, I was comfortably numb. Her face appeared in my mind's eye, a specimen of such divine beauty that I felt obligated to kneel, in my own mind, surrender my realm to another God.

And with that, I opened my eyes, returning to reality. I stood up, walked out of the building and stopped at the bus stop, sitting down on the rancid bench. I looked down the road for signs of the bus. There was none. I closed my eyes again. This time, she wasn't there. Instead, I saw a technicolor warp of buildings. These buildings extended into the sky, infinite and insurmountable, stretching higher and higher. And suddenly, without warning, they collapsed. Exploded into a million pieces, raining rubble from the sky, in a manner befitting the most malevolent, vengeful deity. And suddenly, I was there. A mortal man facing the downpour of man's proudest structures. Impact was imminent...

And then I opened my eyes. I saw the bus rolling towards me, braking. I climbed on, and took a seat towards the back. The bus rumbled forwards, driving along a dilapidated sidewalk. I looked up and into the other side of the road. Dozens of cars thundered down the speedway, their motors screaming like banshees. I closed my eyes, saw myself floating above a sea of gazelle, stampeding down a gorge. Their sharp horns glistening in the African sun, I looked down, from high up. The sounds of fear and panic permeated my ears, freezing my heart cold. As I floated above the stampede, I extended my arms, as if on the Holy Cross. I stared back down and dove straight into the rampage.

But then I opened my eyes. The bus had rumbled to a stop, right next to my apartment building. I got off and walked in, climbing some rickety stairs, ignoring the screams of the unhappy couple downstairs. I pulled out my keys and walked in. My apartment was dark, freezing, and foreboding. I sighed, turned on the light and collapsed on the couch. I stared at the coffee table, swiped my bottle of pills. I took down another two.

Next time, I won't take more than I need.