It's a small world after all.

In the time it took for me to recover from this illness, which I still haven't, I've thought of a series of left field topics to rant about, most of which I scrapped because they didn't pass the "Utterly Retarded" test. A few of these topics included Guitar Hero, the problems you encounter when having sex with Mermaids, canker sores, Disneyland, black tar heroin, the futility of abstinence, Voltron, the Loch Ness monster, General Custer, and what to do when you're surrounded by a pod of hungry orcas. I don't know how half these fucking topics came into my head, but what're you going to do, eh? So instead of ranting about bullshit, I will instead recount a dream I had in excruciating detail.

I'm in a shopping center, with a crowd of people from RYLA surrounding a single man with a guitar. I don't know who this man is, so I move in closer for a better look. It's my trig teacher, Jeff O'Connell, and he's playing Windowpane, by Opeth. So I walk into one of the stores and I pick up what appears to be a morpher from Power Rangers. I go back outside and see everyone has one too. The music that Mr. O'Connell is playing suddenly makes everyone morph into Power Rangers. Suddenly, a bunch of military transport vehicles come and everyone starts to move in. I get into a convoy with a bunch of Asian guys. I sit in the right side of the truck.

Anyway, so we're on the highway for some reason, traveling through what appears to be the City of Angels. For some weird reason we end up in Times Square. At this point, the driver of the convoy stops and asks us all what we want to eat. Everyone wants fried chicken. I say "Well, I know there's a coupon there for Popcorn Chicken, so I'll have that." The driver starts yelling at me, so the guy sitting behind me starts to strangle me with piano wire. But I throw him over my shoulder and tell him to knock it off. Suddenly, we end up in the countryside, and the driver turns into my old schoolbus driver, crazy-ass Mrs. Dolores. The guy in the passenger seat, who happens to be one of the counselors from camp, decides to take the poster I'm holding and rip it up. He throws it out the window.

And here's where things get fucking trippy. The ripped up poster seems to have a mind of its own and reforms, making various things explode around us. It leaves us alone after a while. Anyway, so we continue to drive before we're stopped at a checkpoint, manned by Frieza from Dragonball Z and various Beetleborgs. They look inside the vehicle and wave us along to this French villa in the middle of nowhere.

Then I meet up with all the rest of the guys from the convoy and from the shopping center and this monster guy comes down. Suddenly, Austin steps out and decides we should all morph. He becomes the original Yellow Ranger, who, unintentionally, was Asian:



I morph into the Red Ranger and everyone decides to strike a pose. The monster turns out to be Tommy Lee Jones (seriously, what the fuck? I guess I shouldn't watch Men in Black right before night-night), so nobody is worried anymore. I make small talk with him before going over to the crowd of Pink Rangers in the corner and impressing them with my Red Ranger status.

So then Tommy Lee Jones decides to lead me over to a statue of Natalie Portman and a VHS collection of all her movies. Me and TLJ start flirting with a statue of Natalie Portman, who is surprisingly quiet.

Then I go to sit down to dinner with the people who own the villa, they're serving glow-in-the-dark worms for supper. I watch their 6-month old kid play GTA4 for a bit.

And then I woke up.

PS. The Black Ranger from the original Power Rangers series was hilariously a negro. Saban switched shit up in the second season by making the Yellow Ranger black and the Black Ranger yellow. Fucking racists.