Divorce kicks ass

In the wake of California's decision to allow gay marriage, I would like to take the opportunity to congratulate all the gay couples who have managed to join the fucking club, the vapid suck-hole that is marriage. Congratulations, you managed to secure a right that so completely drains you of all energy and brings negligible amounts of happiness. Now enjoy the misery-ridden partnership you'll lead with the person you decided to bestow this dubious honor of marriage upon.

When the flames of controversy arose from the issue of gay marriage arose vengefully like a PMS-ing, feminist hambeast, the argument that straight couples, as well as religious groups who are incidentally stuck so far up their own ass they're in danger of macking with their small intestine, was that marriage is a union between "a man and a woman." So effectively, they're trying to defend, to hold onto the abstract declarations they made and keep it exclusively to themselves. Why are you proud of being chained to another person? Why would you be proud of a minor tax break? Why are you proud of having a minister declare you lovers for life? Why does that shit matter? When you love someone, are you that insecure about that love that you need a minister and your whole damn family to watch you declare it? When you feel intense emotions about someone else, why isn't it enough just to say it everyday, instead of having it declared in front of a crowd of people, who honestly don't give a shit about you and probably just crashed for the free liquor.

I was being flippant in the first paragraph; the struggle for gay marriage is symbolic of trying to gain equal opportunity for gays. I sympathize wholeheartedly, gays should definitely be treated like anyone else, and a bunch of ignorant twats in silly robes and hats large enough to house a family of squirrels and their illegitimate offspring say they shouldn't. And because we're all a happy goddamn herd, we have to follow what this official says. Open your fucking eyes people. Think for yourself. Homosexuals are people, they're not animals, they're not the scum of the earth. The only difference between us and them is that they prefer to enter the club through the back, rather than having to talk to the bouncer up front.

Goddamn, that was a terrible metaphor.

I suppose it's pretty cliché ranting about gay marriage, being that it's been more beaten than that dead horse I keep in my shed, but I wanted to express my distaste for meaningless declarations. Especially since that declaration ensures that you're going to be bored for the rest of your life, unless you're one of those fucking freaks who are happily married. And even those who claim they're happily married are probably lying. Gays, welcome to the fold. Enjoy the however many years of misery marriage is going to bring you. In the end, it doesn't even matter.

PS. I just quoted a Linkin Park song. I suppose it would be prudent to kill myself right about now.