Paranoid Android

Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest...
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head...

Would I call myself a paranoid person? Sure, but that'd be like an Internet troll diagnosing himself with Asperger's Syndrome. I suppose I would say I'm unjustifiably paranoid about a few things whereas I'm utterly apathetic in the face of things that would cause more devastation, sadness, and death than a My Chemical Romance concert.

Say the words "Terrorist threat," and I'm likely to laugh loudly and condescendingly in your face, before calling you a fearmongering pillock. Terrorists may be conspiring to blow up monuments and cities, but the administration and media have exaggerated the threat to the point of silliness. Funny how they can't continue to ride the high, so to speak, of outraged American nationalism. I guess we're not entirely as stupid as I figured Americans citizens to be, although the fact that we allowed ourselves to jump up and down incessantly like a toddler who's spilled all his candy at the premise of striking back at the terrorists was pretty stupid. Even if we realized our folly years later. That's like sticking your friend in the face with a pitchfork and saying six years later after he gets plastic surgery and physical rehab "That wasn't the smartest thing I've done."

Was I going somewhere with this? Oh right, paranoia. Yeah, I'm strangely paranoid about things. When I'm about to go to sleep, I stare at my ceiling and keep the door open. For one, it gets hot. For two, if an intruder comes in through my window, I can easily escape through the open door instead of fumbling with the crappy handle. Also, straight access to the katana I keep in my closet. But anyway, before I drift off to sleep, I always have to listen to the ambiance of the house before I'm comfortable. Basically, if I don't hear any noise, I'm more comfortable. But if I hear noises (most of it comes from the absurdly loud fish tank my dad built). I always think someone's broken into the house.

Another example, whenever I come home late, alone. I always get into a...CQC kind of stance...just in case. Yeah, that's really dorky and extremely paranoid, but you never know. Gotta stay sharp. I once also wanted a knife to take on the bus when I went to summer school too. Parents wouldn't let me have one :[

Heh, also, on the bus, I usually sit in the way back or the way front, so that nobody can sneak up on me. >_>

I'm pretty sure none of this is particularly helpful, but at least I know I'll be prepared to act when stuff goes down. Like if a guy on back of the bus gets up and holds everyone at knifepoint, I can take out my trig book, throw it at him, and while he's temporarily distracted, disarm and knock him unconscious. Of course, this requires balls, which I am out of at the moment.

PS. Everyone wish happy birthday to Nina, who turns 16 tomorrow. Tell her you hope she doesn't die in a tragic smelting accident. Because I'm sure that would make us all sad. *snicker*