Declaration of Suckdependence

Despite the extremely flippant headlining, today's entry is like serious. Like seriously. So stop fucking laughing, you colostomy bag of a humanoid! Jeez.

As mentioned in an earlier entry, I hate religion. I am not, however, going to bash it. Well, maybe a little bit. Up until I was 13 or so, however, I was afraid. Fearful that I was a sinner, even though I didn't belong to any religion, unless you count Buddhism, which I don't. Anyway, I was young, impressionable (in fact, I probably still am), and I was secretly terrified that I was going to hell, that the use of God's name in vain would secure me a place on Satan's ass-rape machine. And despite reassurances from people, movies like The Exorcist perpetuated my fear.

Until one day, I realized it was all bullshit.

I suppose I should be thankful to that madhouse of a Junior High I went to. The emphasis in the curriculum was cold, hard, fact, whereas the elementary school I had previously attended provided ambiguous information in regards to this kind of shit. I slowly began to realize, through studying and busywork that there absolutely was no proof that a demonic being called Satan ruled over a realm known as Hell. Where was the evidence that a benevolent, yet strict omnipotent watched over us all in the Heavens? Where were the heavens in the first place? Is Hell in the center of the earth?

As I grew a bit older, my views towards all things religious became increasingly cynical. I was appalled at what Richard the Lionheart did in the name of Christianity. What was Torquemada's problem? Why did Mary feel threatened by Protestants? It was a shock, to realize that millions died because they didn't believe in the same system of abstract concepts that their neighbors did. On top of that, these people died over something that has no concrete evidence whatsoever, which made it all seem even stupider.

But I think my main problem with religion stems from something silly, pathetic in comparison to the other problems people have with it. I, like the legions of scientists and, you know, rational people in general, am in awe that people would rather accept a bullshit story about how God created everything instead of evolution. I lament the progress that could've been made in the past if religious authority weren't there to prevent "heresy." Who knows what else that crazy guy Galileo could've thought of if he weren't imprisoned for several years and had to deal with the stress of going to court against an authoritarian juggernaut? Yes, I am as outraged as the rest of you are, but my beef comes from something much simpler.

Religion is a declaration. You are declaring that you follow this dogma, and thus abide by its morals. And here's the problem. The morals they follow are common sense. "Thou shalt not kill," "Thou shalt not covet." It's all pretty simple, don't commit murder, try not to be a jealous little prick. On top of that, religious people often try their best to "get into heaven," to have an ultimate goal, a sense of purpose in life. So my question is, why do you need to be religious to do this?

I understand there are probably a hundred more facets I'm overlooking, but as a general example, I think the aforementioned works. Why do you need to pay money, go to church every Sunday, commit to having a small part of your life dedicated to religion (again, there are those who just follow the tenets and don't necessarily do any of this) when it's all common sense? Why do we need a man in a robe and hat to tell us not to kill, to covet, to steal? Surely we can work that out on our own as life goes on, right? Kids learn not to do this, we don't need religion hovering over our shoulder squawking at us not to kill, like some kind of self-righteous parrot. And that's where the headline of this entry comes from!

The other side of my argument is the whole "religion gives you a purpose in life" thing. While it may be true that you're working to earn your way into the pearly gates, why not just live life to the fullest? Instead of centering your backbreaking labor around trying to gain admittance into heaven, is it not possible to create your own happiness, your own purpose and sense of belonging in life by just thinking about what you want? My purpose in life is to become so rich I can take baths in liquidized money. And it's entirely possible to just set a goal for yourself and work towards it; you can create your "purpose" without having to pay a really old guy and then having to listen to sermons.

I recently had a conversation about this with a couple of my friends (while in a hot-tub, no less!). One of them is as anti-religious as me, but the other was defending it, because he is, to a certain degree, religious. He brought up the point that some people need to believe in something greater than themselves, that their existence has some meaning to someone up there. They need something to believe in to make it through their day, and sometimes can't really muster up a "purpose." I'm kind of split on this point here; I believe that his point is valid, that they do indeed need a higher power in their lives, but here's where I feel really dirty. I kind of believe in two opposing arguments at once. I think that wanting to believe in a higher power is human, while at the same time kind of weak. What I'm getting at is that we shouldn't be using that as a cop-out, which I suppose is applicable everywhere. Don't cop out and say "Because God did it!"

I have a distinct feeling that this entry was a bit rambly and disorganized, my apologies. I also have a distinct feeling that this was remarkably less interesting to read. But what the hell do I know?

PS. Does anyone else think that lighting a firework and inserting it in Glen Beck's anus would be utter hilarity until the cops showed up?