A list of people I hate

In this exciting sequel to "A list of people I admire," we travel down the opposite road, exploring a list of people I hate. I may just lump a bunch of people together or focus on one person, but make no mistake, the fury and anger that these people bring to my heart is so fiery you could cook a steak on it. So with that said, let us begin!

American socialites and superficial celebrities: I'm not exactly sure what these people have done to earn their fame; perhaps being a wasteful, repugnant, airheaded, wealthy dumbass are the required qualities. And admirable qualities they are, aren't they? So admirable that today's youth have taken after them, dressing like trollops, acting like superficial bitches, and generally being a bint. I honestly can't figure out how these cunts ever became famous and why the shit anyone cares. Is it because they have a lot of sex and video tape it? If that's the case, I should be rolling in a pile of money and paparazzi by now! (just not really :[)

Right Wing mouthpieces: Bill O Reilly and Glen Beck are just the beginning, in my opinion. Ever heard of John Hagee? Fred Phelps? These guys push a Christian extremist agenda so hard, Jesus sheds a lone tear in the afterlife. For fuck's sake, Phelps' church, the Westboro Baptist Church protests homosexuality by picketing the funerals of soldiers. That's just like fifty different kinds of fucked up. Not to mention these shitheads are calling for an agenda that would retard this nation 200 years. America sucks at the moment because the vines of Christianity and religious fervor are beginning to take hold. What would happen if our country had an official religion and was run by dicks like John Hagee. We'd be motherfucking Iran, that's what.

Uwe Boll: Remember when I didn't have to fear for my favorite video game franchises being bastardized by movie adaptations so sucky that a black hole couldn't escape them? Such fond memories I have of not having to watch Til Schweiger "act" like a character who was more wooden than that fence on Home Improvement. Every single one of Boll's movies are atrocious and a desecration of their original source material. It's saddening, really. On top of that, Boll has the chutzpah to scream angrily at his critics and challenge them to mortal kombat wherein these poor bastards, who have no prior experience are viciously beaten despite reassurances that they were going to have training. Really classy, you fucking sneaky German.

Chameleons: We all change ourselves based on who we're with, this is an undeniable fact of life. If you're with a person you don't know, you act in accordance a way that you think would be acceptable to them. Again, undeniable, we all do it. I'm talking about the chameleons who change so much, they might as well be Two-Face. One second you're talking to them and another second they turn around, 180 degrees, and become Don Juan or some shit, making you wonder if you were just talking to the same person or some Body Switcher that plans on viciously maiming you and cannibalizing your body as soon as they're done talking about throw pillows or something.

Parental "crusaders": In this day and age, it's understandable to be concerned about children seeing sex and violence in the media; I often don't let my younger cousins watch when I'm playing GTA4 or something (didn't expect that from me, did you!?). But there's a simple way to prevent your kids from being exposed to something you don't want them to see. READ THE BACK OF THE FUCKING BOX. The ESRB, MPAA, all that shit exists for a reason. Because you bitched about it hella years ago, and they finally caved and now you're bitching again. So instead of sitting on your fat ass and writing to Hilary Clinton or Jack Thompson about how you want legislation to ban video games, which will never happen, violations of the 1st Amendment generally have the that effect, get off the fucking couch and raise your mongrel devilspawn properly.

John Baczuk: No list of people I hate is going to be complete without this decrepit son of a bitch. It's been one year since he gave me a C, and I'm still extremely bitter about it. I'm more bitter at the fact that he gave me a C in English, my forte. But then I remember he grades more heavily on the silly red marks you draw in your paper and the way your staple is positioned then the actual fucking content. The least you could say about him is that he shocked me out of what little complacency I had, but in doing so destroyed all my confidence in my writing ability. Which is why I ask so many people for feedback when it comes to my pieces. I make a point of giving him a glare every time I see him around campus and loudly talking about how I'm glad I have a competent teacher this time around. I hope he shatters a hip as he's walking up the stage to accept his "Douchebag of the Century" award.

And of course, I hate all of you. Especially you. Yeah, you!

Just kidding, how could I hate a face like that? Er, faces. <3

PS. I haven't seen The Dark Knight in several days. I'm breaking out in hives and scratching my neck ceaselessly. Think something might be wrong with me?

PPS. I'm planning on writing an epic poem, sort of like Beowulf or The Odyssey about a crazy man who escapes from an asylum and travels through the Himalayas to hunt down an ibex. And this time, I'm going to fucking finish it.